Why counsellors don’t give advice
As counsellors, we have a professional and ethical responsibility to conduct ourselves in a way that is in the best interests of our clients. This should be outlined in our contracts or agreements (you can read more about this in my blog on counselling contracts).
Would it not be helpful to come to a professional, like we might with a pharmacist, and say, “I’ve got this thing, what can you suggest?” and receive a clear answer?
In counselling, the risks of giving advice can be far more complex.
I might know what I would do in a situation. However, I am not the client. I do not have the client’s lived experience, their life or their relationships. What I would do, or what has worked for me, may not work for them. There are many factors that need to be taken into consideration.
“I’m unhappy in my relationship. Do you think I should leave?”
Perhaps I might have a view. Perhaps I might even know what I would do in that situation. However, the responsibility for that decision should not sit with someone who does not have full ownership of that life. It is for the individual to explore that relationship and decide what it is that they want.
Autonomy and decision-making
This also speaks to personal autonomy.
Autonomy allows people to make their own choices without external influence. It is about having agency over decisions within their own lives.
Often, people come to counselling feeling that they have lost that sense of agency. Counselling works to support and rebuild it. Giving advice can reduce this and create a form of dependency, where a person may feel unable to make decisions without first checking with their counsellor.
When it can feel difficult
Of course, not giving advice can sometimes feel dismissive. It can even increase a sense of being stuck.
This is something that should be discussed in early meetings with a counsellor. There should be an explanation that counselling is not about advice. Ideally, there should be no surprises when entering into a counselling relationship.
What the counsellor is doing instead
So instead of answering what I might do, I might ask what can feel like a frustrating question:
“I wonder why what I would do is important to you?”
This allows the client to reflect on why another person’s opinion holds importance. Does it connect to past experiences? To authority? To uncertainty?
These reflections allow a person to explore patterns in their behaviour and begin to recognise the choices that they have.
Fear, reassurance and responsibility
Sometimes, asking for advice speaks to fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of getting it wrong.
Having someone agree can make a decision feel less risky. Yet the counsellor does not have to live with the consequences. The client does.
Exploring options, not giving answers
Helping to explore options is not the same as giving advice.
Counselling can be a space to explore possible choices, and the advantages and disadvantages of those choices. Through this, options may begin to feel clearer and more accessible.
This can support a person in beginning to take risks and grow in confidence in their own ability to make decisions. Sometimes, starting with smaller decisions can help build that confidence.
Information and understanding
The use of psychoeducation, while not advice, can help empower a client.
Providing information, for example about how anxiety affects the brain and influences the body’s physiological responses, can help a person better understand their experience. This can support autonomy and inform the choices they make, such as engaging in relaxation, exercise or seeking further support where appropriate.
The careful use of self-disclosure, while not always encouraged, may also be used thoughtfully. This is not to give advice, but to help normalise an experience and validate the client’s own understanding of their situation.
In conclusion
Counselling is not about telling someone what to do. It is about helping someone understand themselves more clearly so that they can make decisions that feel right for them.
While this can sometimes feel frustrating, it creates space for something deeper: confidence, autonomy and self-understanding.
Sincerely Yours, Paul
Transparency Notice
This blog has had AI assistance in formatting. All content has been written and reviewed by the author.