When you live with ADHD, one of the more difficult places to be is the “in-between”. That strange, grey area where something is coming but hasn’t arrived yet. Where the next step is just over the hill, but the map has been taken from you and you’re left standing, unsure what you’re meant to do next.
It’s often referred to as “waiting mode”. If you experience ADHD, you may recognise it. I tend to describe my experience as attention and hyperactivity differences, but the feeling is much the same. For me, it shows up in the time between appointments, the pause before a client logs in, the gap between sending an email and receiving a reply.
For some, that space might offer a moment of calm. For me, it can feel like standing at the start of a race without knowing when it begins. The engine is running, the brain is switched on, the body is ready, but there’s no signal to move, or being stuck in a traffic jam, with somewhere to be.
A Love–Hate Relationship with Time
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with time. As a child, waiting felt unbearable. I needed to move, act, do. That may explain why I often found myself climbing roofs or halfway across a brook before I’d worked out how I was going to land. The future felt immediate, and “later” felt like a kind of punishment.
As an adult, that hasn’t changed much. Waiting can feel like being paused mid-thought, mid-breath, mid-everything. My brain doesn’t settle easily unless it chooses to.
Waiting Mode as an Online Counsellor
As an online counsellor, this becomes more noticeable. My day is structured around sessions, admin, emails, and preparation. You might expect the gaps between sessions to feel like a break. A moment for tea, a stretch, or a breath.
But often, that’s when the internal noise begins.
It can feel like my mind starts opening multiple windows at once. A to-do list I haven’t finished. Laundry I forgot. A memory from years ago that suddenly feels urgent. There’s no clear direction, just a steady stream of competing thoughts.
This is something I’ve come to understand more clearly over time, particularly in how distraction shows up in everyday life.
How Do I Wait Well?
So what do I do with this? How do I wait well when waiting feels uncomfortable?
There are also some helpful external resources that explore this further, including practical approaches to managing waiting mode.
(Link “practical approaches to managing waiting mode” to your external article)
Here are a few approaches I’m beginning to use:
1. Micro Tasks
Keeping a short list of small, manageable tasks helps. These might take five to ten minutes. Putting away a few items, replying to a brief email, or noting down an idea. Completing something small creates a sense of progress.
2. Movement
Stepping away from the screen, stretching, or simply standing and breathing can help reset things. It doesn’t need to be significant, just enough to reconnect with the body.
3. Controlled Daydreaming
Sometimes I allow my mind to wander, but with some structure. Setting a short timer gives that space a boundary, rather than letting it take over completely.
4. Environment Anchors
Music can act as a bridge between moments. A familiar playlist can help move from one task to the next without feeling lost in the transition.
5. Self-Talk
At times, I remind myself: “You are in waiting mode. That’s OK.”
Self-talk can provide a steadying point when direction feels unclear.
Waiting Mode Isn’t Wasted Time
What I’ve started to understand is that waiting mode is its own space. Not wasted, but one that needs a different kind of attention.
There are still days when I lose time to it. When the thing I was waiting for passes, or I’ve over-prepared for something that didn’t need it. That’s part of the process.
But I’m learning to work with it rather than against it. To notice what’s happening, rather than trying to force something else.
Final Thoughts: Making Peace with the In-Between
If you find yourself caught in that in-between space, you’re not alone. The ADHD mind doesn’t always pause easily. It moves, loops, and searches for direction.
But with practice, that space can become something more manageable. Even useful.
This is part of how I’ve come to better understand my own experience, and how I continue to make sense of it.
Sincerely Yours, Paul
Transparency Notice
This blog has had AI assistance in formatting. All content has been written and reviewed by the author.